You Are Not A Machine | You Are A Whole World, And The World Is In You
Our bodies don't need fixing - they need us to listen, and listen deeply; until we understand our true nature.
Dear friends,
Our bodies have so much to teach us.
On Thanksgiving day last week, Stefan and I spent a couple of hours stepping on each other (omg, bliss!)
We hadn’t done any Kinetix in months, and my fascia was literally aching for compression and movement. Unlike a lot of people, I love getting stepped on.
One of the techniques we did confirmed a growing suspicion: my adductor (inner thigh) fascia is related to the pelvic floor issues I’ve been experiencing.
As some of you know, I’ve been dealing with pelvic instability issues for a very long time. While I’ve resolved all of my glute/hip inhibition issues (and I don’t have pain), I have not been able to fully resolve the pelvic floor, diaphragm and transverse abdominus dysfunctions and related compensations.
Most of the root causes are obvious to me: early life sexual trauma that involved 3 months of dissociation from my body, which no doubt had a lasting effect on sex specific and breathing muscles; falling hard on my tailbone at age 17 led to a 15 degree case of scoliosis, scar tissue in my sacrum, and overprotective thoracolumbar fascia that constantly contracts to stabilize my spine, but also inhibits my lower abdominals; and because I don’t have proper lower abdominal muscle engagement (which would create a “corset” to hold my guts in place and give my brain the proper feedback from nerve signals about the state of my organs), there is constant tension in my belly; to top things off, my neck muscles are basically always “on” to stabilize my spine from the top - since it has no stability at the other end. The only time my neck muscles relax is when I’m lying down.
Even though I know all of this about my body, I have not been able to reverse these patterns.
Years of self fascia release didn’t make a dent in the dense, shortened fascial fibers of my lower back and sacrum, which need to soften and lengthen before my lower abdominals can contract fully. (Now that I’m back in Colorado, I am working with the only person that has ever helped me with this!) I’ve tried about 20 different professionals since 2012 in an attempt to solve these issues. Few of them helped, and many of their protocols (especially all the “core” work) made my issues worse.
Wanting to try again, six months ago I went to a pelvic floor physical therapist in Southern California. Some of you might remember - it was a horrible experience.
During the free phone consultation I described my body’s symptoms, what I know about this issue as a knowledgeable body person, and the fact that I have a history of sexual trauma. I asked if she did root cause analysis that included looking at trauma and the nervous system before jumping into solutions. She assured me that she works with a lot of women with a history of sexual trauma, and that they don’t just treat symptoms at her clinic - they address root causes.
Because we were on the phone rather than Zoom or in person, I couldn’t read her body language. I decided to take her at her word and booked an appointment. Thrilled to find that her intake form was thorough and detailed, I spent over an hour filling it out with the expectation that we would go over it together in person.
After sitting in the waiting room for about 10 minutes on the day of the appointment, I was ushered into the doctor’s office - where she spent 5 minutes listening to me talk about my body before handing me a gown to change into.
The moment she handed me that gown, I went into a state of freeze - which is unusual for me.
Maybe I should have known better, but it was an actual shock to my system - a big one - that she would ignore my intake form and spend less than 10 minutes getting to know me before asking me to get naked so she could poke around inside my body.
Not once did she ask me about my history of sexual trauma, or give me her philosophy on how these traumas can affect a woman’s pelvic floor (or nervous system).
Not once did she acknowledge what I had written in my intake form, or include a single thing I shared there in her final assessment when she was done.
Approaching my body like a car that I was taking to the shop for repairs, she merely got to work “fixing” me.
“There’s a person in here!!!!” I wanted to scream.
You are not a machine.
Give your body what it needs and it will function well. Fail to do so, and it will start to perform at less than optimal.
We are constantly bombarded with messages today that would have us believe that there is such a thing as “health” that is a destination we could arrive at - someday - if we just _________ (ate certain foods, performed certain activities, refrained from addictions, meditated daily etc).
Most of us will fail - more often than not - to give our body only what it needs, and to ward off all harmful influences.
There is more to you than sinew and bone.
We should really be asking ourselves:
What are we referring to, when we talk about “the body?”
Are we talking about the purely material elements, such as hydrogen, oxygen, carbon, calcium and phosphorous?
Are we talking about bones and muscles?
What about the nervous system, which is made of neurons that send electrical signals to the brain for processing?
More and more, I’ve been using the term “human organism” - since it encompasses all that we are as human beings: body, soul and spirit.
Your body’s needs are not purely physical, because your body is permeated by - and dependent on - non material spiritual elements.
Only what is purely material - a car or a computer or a lifeless body, for example - does not experience pain or illness.
Pain and disease are NOT signs that you are defective; or that something is “wrong” with your body. My philosophy is that pain and illness are always the “right” response by a brilliant organism to adverse conditions.
Whales, trees, flowers, frogs and songbirds can experience disease because they are part of an interconnected ecosystem governed by universal laws of interdependence: the health of the whole depends on the health of all individual members, while the health of the individual members depends upon the health of the whole.
Like the butterfly and the falcon, you are embedded within a larger ecosystem - that of your family and friends, and the human organism as a whole; that of the planet, which we all rely on for water, food and shelter; and the cosmos, which provides us with life giving sunlight, magnetism and electrical energy.
You are not a machine.
Inside your body is an animating soul that experiences unique longings, desires, fears, hopes and dreams.
The modern scientific mindset is largely one of demonizing pain and disease, which have no place in the technocratic story of human flourishing. There is a very strong push towards the merger of humans with machines, for this reason among others. Trillions of dollars are spent every year on this cause. If successful, these technologies would - by necessity - also eradicate the very qualities that make us human.
To be human is to feel pain, and through it to discover our divine nature and our spiritual destiny.
We are human to the extent that we experience pain and illness.
For over 15 years I have called myself a pain advocate.
I am convinced that pain is a portal to the spiritual world.
Without pain and suffering to temper our hedonistic whims and passions, we would be purely animal in nature - compelled to act on our instincts and impulses without a higher moral order calling us away from hell and towards heaven. Without pain, there would be no sense of divine right and responsibility - for ourselves, our fellow human beings, and this earth we share with all of her creatures; there would be no compassion, sacrifice or love; no capacity for freedom.
Pain and illness belong to the whole human organism - made of body, soul and spirit - and can only be understood fully in the context of our whole environment: society, planet and cosmos.
Like plants, without sunlight we would wither and perish; too much sun, and we burn.
Without fellowship, love and belonging, we become ill; isolation and loneliness are now known to be as detrimental to human health as smoking cigarettes. Too much social closeness without sufficient individuation (enmeshment, or lack of boundaries), and we can become just as sick.
A poisoned planet = poisoned human beings.
We have so thoroughly poisoned the planet over the last 150 years that we all have forever chemicals in our bodies. Most of us have traces of birth control pills and prescription strength narcotics in our blood just from bathing in and/or drinking tap water; but we also live in houses full of toxic paints, carpet, glue, particle board, insulation, etc. Then, we bring into our homes all kinds of toxic foods, cleaners, beauty products, clothing and furniture.
And yet…
Not everyone expresses illness in the same way; not even if they live in the same house, exposed to the same poisons.
Physiologically speaking, pain and illness are each individual human organism’s best attempts to deal with adverse conditions - while alerting us that something is amiss.
Only when we understand that “adverse conditions” include both the internal environment of the individual organism in its totality - body, soul and spirit - AND the unique individual’s relationship to their external environment, in its totality - society, planet and cosmos - will will be able to accurately “diagnose” the true root causes of pain and illness.
While this may seem like a daunting endeavor, I’ve made it my mission and it has been the adventure of a lifetime. I wouldn’t trade it for anything, and I am convinced that these truths are knowable.
Since 2008 I’ve worked with over 5,000 unique individuals, and there is one thing they all have in common…
At a soul and spiritual level, we are all unique - which is why we experience pain and illness for uniquely personal reasons.
If you want to be your own best practitioner, then make it your goal to understand yourself.
If you work with people in pain, or those who are ill, then make it your goal to understand each unique human being who asks for your help.
Bodies, in their purely material form, are relatively simple.
Human beings, on the other hand, are incredibly complex.
When we make it our goal to understand human beings - one individual at a time - we begin a journey towards Truth, Beauty and Goodness. Timeless treasures sought by the world’s greatest personalities, Truth, Beauty and Goodness belong to the realm of the totality; of the sacred or divine Whole.
Ironically, by putting aside the alluring goal of understanding “the human body” and instead devoting ourselves to understanding one human being at a time, we will be guided towards an understanding of the whole through the one.
Each one of us is - through our body! - a reflection of our world: all of the people who have impacted us, physically and emotionally; our own soul nature, and the impact we’ve had on ourselves with our fears, longings, hopes and dreams; unhealed traumas, usually related to other people but also in relationship to our body and it’s impermanence, manifest as physiological processes that drive behavioral patterns through habitual thoughts; all of our memories are stored in the body (whether conscious or long forgotten); and there, too, we find sunlight, electromagnetism and stardust.
You are not a machine.
Unlike a car, your body is a dynamic organism teeming with life that isn’t even your own: billions of bacteria, fungi and parasites depend on you for life; and you would die without them.
You are a whole world unto yourself; and the world is in you.
As I type these words, I’m looking out at a snow covered landscape; there’s a full moon rising above the houses across the street, casting a lavender-blue hue across the sky as the sun disappears and darkness begins to take over.
The world is so beautiful!
So are you - I’m convinced of it.
Taken as a whole and seen in your totality - you are good, and beautiful and true. Whatever malevolence has visited you; whatever malevolence is in you; I know that YOU are not it.
“The impulse toward evil arises in us only because in our thoughts and feelings we silence the depths of our own nature.”
Rudolf Steiner
I can forgive the man that violated me when I was 13 because I have chosen to see him in his totality - a broken man who was himself hurt in some incomprehensible manner by the adults in his life when he was only a child (and they, in turn, were undoubtedly also hurting); a traumatized human being who, like all of us, had as much good in him as potential for evil. I do not believe that he himself was evil, but that he allowed evil to act through him because of his own suppressed pain.
I am a pain advocate because pain denied is pain multiplied.
Pain - felt fully - is [spiritual] protection.
Pain helps us stay fully human, and its purpose is to teach us how to love; or, perhaps more accurately, to show us what stands in the way of our ability to love.
I am a pain advocate because pain helps us remain good and true and beautiful.
I am a pain advocate because without our ability to feel pain, we could feel no remorse or joy or compassion or love. To the degree we resist pain, we push away all that is good and beautiful and true. A world without pain is not one I want to live in, because it means we have either devolved into barbarism or become machines that don’t feel anything at all.
Every real pain - whether physical or emotional - that a human being experiences deserves acknowledgement.
Our bodies and souls don’t need to be “fixed” - they need us to listen, and listen deeply; until we understand our own nature.
Stefan and I have known each other for 8 years now, and - while we are not a couple anymore - we know each other really well. We’ve been through a lot together, and our friendship is built on a foundation of genuine, hard earned love.
When we step on each other these days it’s easy and enjoyable. With our egos in check, we grew our capacity for collaboration and trust where our bodies are concerned - which means that when we step on each other, our emotions and trauma patterns are no longer in the way; we are there to help each other, and the results are INSTANT.
After spending ten minutes on my adductors, I got up and my pelvic floor felt 80% better.
This dynamic is relatively new for Stefan and I, and - as my primary stepping partner for the past 5 years - the relationship shift itself no doubt had a healing effect on me.
I’ve written many emails and blogs about the importance of choosing your partners/practitioners wisely, because the relationship matters. Who we work with (and who we allow to touch our bodies) not only affects our experience during the sessions, but it largely determines the OUTCOME.
We are not machines.
There is more to our bodies than sinew and bone.
Today, I am extremely thankful that I have a trusted Kinetix partner in Stefan. We will be able to keep each other healthy and active as long as we live near each other and make time for Kinetix.
If you have a partner and want to learn with me, consider joining The Kinetix Academy.
Or consider coming to an in person event here in Colorado in 2024 - dates will be announced soon. Yay!
With love,
Elisha
Thank you for sharing. Your journey expresses me in so many ways.
Thank you for what you do.
So true, "Pain shows us what's in the way of love and leads us to compassion for ourselves and others." Thanks Elisha!