Discussion about this post

User's avatar
Elisha Celeste's avatar

This post was inspired by a recent "freedom to" process that I went through with Stefan, my best friend and co-founder here at HFP. Together, we declared "the freedom to collaborate productively." Chronic conflict during work hours was getting in the way of this "freedom to."

One thing I CAN DO TODAY (and tomorrow, and the next, until the old version of me dies away naturally) is to identify when I am getting "hooked" by Stefan (which means that something he is doing hooks my attention and compels me to believe that I need to stop everything and intervene, or something bad will happen). Then, I'll share with him (and myself) what it is I am afraid will happen if I don't intervene.

This action takes the place of putting the focus on Stefan with my attempts at intervention (which merely contributed to the conflict instead of helping us), allowing both Stefan and myself to FEEL the impact of "what is" (he isn't present, and I am afraid - for example), while giving my will something to DO: reach across the relational chasm with truthful vulnerability, instead of succumbing to the subversive control of my psyche.

This pattern originated in my childhood, when I became hyper-vigilant of my parent's behavior, which led to some very bad things happening to me.

Expand full comment
Stefan Allyn Cox's avatar

My freedom to is the freedom to collaborate productively with Elisha Celeste, my friend and co-founder of the Human Freedom Project.

One thing I can do today is to name "what is" when I identify that I'm not present while working with Elisha. I can at least bring voice to "what is" without story, meaning, or an attempt to fix it.

- "I'm scared to express my honest opinion right now."

- "I feel angry."

- "I feel numb."

- "I am blaming you for this problem."

Naming what is, is the first thing I can actually do before doing anything else that would move me closer to my (our) goal: the freedom to collaborate productively.

Expand full comment
1 more comment...

No posts